Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The World's Worst Mother-In-Law and the World's Fattest Bride!

So if you've ever met me, and if you've ever met Julianne, you automatically know that this blog is not about us, because CLEARLY she could never be the world's worst mother in law (what a title!) and even when I'm having a fat-feeling day, I know that I'm not actually the world's fattest bride.

BUT

They both make such GREAT blog topics, so I figured I'd combine them into one SUPER BLOG POST!

Let us begin.

I'm going to start with the Large Marge* (*may not be her real name. It probably isn't. Okay, I don't know her name but I'm about 100% sure that its not Large Marge.).  She is currently on what she is calling a "quest" to being the "fattest woman ever", and well on her way, that's for sure.  For example, her waist is 107.5 inches around, essentially nine feet. NINE FEET?!

Aesthetics aside, does she not see that this is probably not going to end well? Her sister, and maid of honour, looks to be, at most, a size 8.  But Large Marge (who's name has been changed for privacy protection, but just google "800-lb bride" for more) is staying true to her quest and has a mere 400lbs left to gain.  On average she is eating 30,000 calories. What's that you say? There's a typo? I put too many zeros? No. No I didn't. 30,000.  In an interview the day of her fitting, her and her sister stopped off at Carl's Jr. (a fast food chain) for lunch, where she had 3 double bacon cheese burgers, two fries supremes, and 9, count 'em, 9 tacos.

 It probably doesn't help that her husband-to-be is a chef, and a "really good one" she claims.

She is getting a custom wedding dress though.  So that's fancy.

So in keeping with today's trend of "World's" I shall go onto talk about the World's WORST mother-in-law which I heard about today.

I'll start with some background. I don't have a car, and I take the bus to work each day, I take the express, its about 30 min each way and goes by quickly.  So some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the technician from the lab I work in broke his leg in three places, which required emergency surgery. The good news (if you choose to see the silver lining, which you should) is that he isn't able to drive his truck for two months (okay, its sounding like more bad news, I realize, but its not, I'm getting there), and so he let me borrow it (there it is!). Which, as someone who doesn't have regular car access, is SUCH AN INDESCRIBABLE AMAZING THING.  So I still normally take the bus because I like the reduction in carbon footprint, but its just good when I have to do groceries and don't have to decide if I'm going to buy milk, as it depends on how heavy all the other food is haha so its a nice perk.

I'm starting to digress but I promise you, I'm getting there.

So I took the truck into work today because I have softball tonight out in Oakville.  So normally I don't get the "luxury" of listening to morning shows on the radio (I sometimes just want them to shut up and play music, but today was entertaining).

As Mother's Day is this Sunday (be good to your mama, remember, THIS SUNDAY, MAY 13TH IS MOTHERS DAY, don't say you weren't reminded!) anyway, in honour of (or maybe dishonour of) mothers day, the radio was having a competition for the worst mother in law. So the winner was the following:

Okay, I was all excited to do this blog post because I remember driving into work today thinking THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE. And now, I only remember half of it. Its still unbelievable, but I feel a little...disappointed that I can't remember the other half.

Ugh. This sucks.

Okay, well.

Its still bad so I'll go on.

Basically, this guy called into the radio and says that he feels like he has the worst mother in law because she "ruined" his wedding, and obviously the announcer asks why, and he goes onto explain that his mother in law didn't want the wedding to happen SO badly, that the day before the wedding she called everyone on the bride's side (without the bride knowing) and said that the wedding was off, that they had broken up, and that the groom was going to jail. So, the wedding day comes, only HALF the people show (obviously), and then the mother of the bride tells the bride its probably because no one approves of the wedding!

How crazy!?

Only half crazy because there was more which I can't remember. AND I can't remember which radio station it was, it was either 999 or 102.1. bargh.

Anyway, there were more stories but that one took the cake for sure, I just am glad that Grant's parents are so amazing, I feel like I hit the parent-in-law jackpot with the set of bonus parents I'm getting, unless she starts making phone calls the day before the wedding...


2 comments:

  1. After review of this article and the rest of the website I think it is a stupid website

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  2. I can see that you are from Chicago and arrived this by searching google for "World's Fattest Bride", its unfortunate that you did not enjoy my summary of this woman. I thank you for taking the time to write a comment. I'm sorry to hear that you think this is a "stupid website", and perhaps next time not commenting anonymously would allow for dialogue where constructive comments could be discussed.

    ReplyDelete